Thinking about getting a divorce is no easy thought to have. Divorce is something several individuals have thought about in their life a time or two. In fact, over half of all marriages end in divorce or separation in the United States.
You may ask yourself if your reason is a valid reason at all to file for divorce. You may have sought out advice from friends or family members. The majority of people will tell you what they would do and whether you should stay or leave. Have no fear, below are some valid reasons for divorce.
Below are 10 of the most common reasons for divorce. If any of these describe you or your marriage, it may be time to think about filing for divorce.
One of the most common reasons for divorce boils down to honoring a commitment. One or both individuals may cheat on the other. Infidelity can create a competitive legal battle between a couple.
Some individuals go to therapy to move past the infidelity. Others may file for divorce instead. Many individuals seek out advice from divorce attorneys when this happens. Be aware that each individual needs their own attorney to represent them.
Legal consultation is sought out almost immediately when infidelity occurs. If someone seeks out legal consultation it is not the same as filing for divorce. When an individual hires an attorney, this may mean that moving past infidelity is not an option.
If you are stuck on deciding whether to file or not, you may try something else. You can seek help from a marriage counselor. They specialize in opening up communication between partners. No matter the decision, infidelity is a common reason people file for divorce.
In marriages, one individual may develop or already have an addiction. Addictions can range from gambling, gaming, medication misuse, and more. Any type of addiction can have a direct impact on any marriage.
For instance, an individual may have a gambling problem. They may owe money on debt. This, in turn, may cause them to sell jewelry that was meaningful to their spouse. While going to the right shop can get you a great deal, especially when you’re ending the marriage, it shouldn’t be done when two people are still together. This can cause hurt, lies, and other negative attributes.
Many people have overcome addiction with time and proper support. This does not mean that the individual will not have temptation. Addiction is a serious fight. Not only for those around themselves but for those around them.
More often than not, finances is among the most common reasons for divorce. The final straw. It impacts not only one’s livelihood but also how partners see one another. How one contributes financially, can impact the relationship for better or worse.
The gap between one income in comparison to the other matters. Let us say one individual makes more than six figures and the other makes four figures. The individual with a higher income may be the decision-maker. The individual with a higher income could feel more weight on their shoulders when it is time to pay bills.
Then again, individuals with a lower income may spend less on materialistic items than their partner who makes more. No matter the position, couples tend to have different ideas of where their money should be going.
To avoid the differences in some decisions, couples often sign a prenup. Prenups are contracts that detail what belongs to who. If you do not have a prenup going into a marriage, finances could become confusing. Most couples experience a power struggle when there is a big difference between incomes. This power struggle heightens during the divorce process.
The best thing to keep in mind when it comes to filing for divorce because of finances is what you have. Keep track of your income. Record what and when you spend. Hiring an affordable divorce lawyer within your budget is important. Fees vary state to state and person to person. Getting an attorney you can afford could help you in the long run. This is especially helpful if there is not a prenup detailing what belongs to who.
4. Communication Styles
You have heard it before. Communication is key. Many people may not know how to communicate. There are a variety of communication styles such as:
- Aggressive: People that use this communication style often yell, threaten, or intimidate. The individual has an aggressive body language. They may have an aggressive tone.
- Passive: These types of communicators are the peacemakers. They do not want to reject you or what you say. They may have poor body language and eye contact. They never tell you what they feel.
- Passive-Aggressive: This communication style often gives in to the other side. They may side with the person rather than stand on their own opinion. Some individuals use this communication style to sabotage another person.
- Assertive: The give and take of communicators. If someone is assertive they may voice their opinion. They listen to your thoughts and ask questions. They do not have a demanding tone or body language. They tell you what they feel or think without you dragging it out of them.
Different communication styles often create tension. If you have kids, parenting styles can also align with communication styles. Communication styles matter. Regardless if it is with your spouse or kid.
Depending on age, divorce can be confusing to kids. Finding a logical way to communicate what is going to your child is important. You may appreciate full communication. So do they.
Children are often caught in the battle between which parent gets custody. A child custody attorney can be helpful with this. Discussions about who gets what child on what weekend is something to think about.
The most common reasons for divorce can come when children are toddlers and teenagers. You will want to look for a family law attorney. They can help mediate this discussion. If communication differs between spouses in a marriage, it can become even more separated during a divorce. Children expect the truth. Try to be assertive with your children, your spouse, and yourself. Tell your spouse what you expect, feel, and think. Tell your children what to expect, know, and learn.
5. Health Issues
Health can be overwhelming. Some individuals are unsure of how to keep moving forward. Others may not know how to cope. Health issues can range from cancer to multiple sclerosis. It can also include mental health issues.
Some men may leave their wives more than the other way around when it comes to health issues. Health issues impact one’s ability to nurture and devote time to their spouse. With less nurturing and time, these contribute to the most common reasons for divorce.
6. Age Differences
Age is nothing but a number — but it is so much more than that. With age comes wisdom and experience. Individuals with a larger age gap have a higher prediction to divorce. It is also one of the most common reasons for divorce.
Individuals who marry someone 20 years younger than them may have had to invest in bail bond agents for a night out with friends that went too far. This is not the case for everyone. Millennials tend to have different expectations than Boomers. Boomers have different expectations than Millennials. No matter what generation classification, age can wedge a gap in any marriage.
7. Religious Differences
Religion may mean more than couples think. Some couples practice different religions. When couples have children, what religion the child will become creates an issue. Couples face the issue of which religion is more suitable in their point of view. The issue can lead to unresolved differences. This can lead to divorce. Not being able to agree on religious practices is tough and hard to get past.
One individual may celebrate Christmas. The other may celebrate nothing in December. Freedom to express oneself in terms of religion could become a stuck point for couples. Religious differences are a major factor when one is considering the most common reasons for divorce.
To many individuals surprise, there is more than one type of abuse such as:
Abuse is never okay. Abuse is hard to escape from and is amongst the most common reasons for divorce. If you have current or past experience of abuse think about hiring a personal injury attorney. The attorney will fight for the abuse you endured.
If you have pressed charges against your spouse, be ready for them to look into speaking with criminal law attorneys. If your spouse will protect themselves, be sure to protect yourself too.
If you are with someone who is abusive, take caution. Some spouses lock their spouses out of their homes on purpose. This is where a 24 hour emergency locksmith service comes in handy. Once the file for divorce is complete be cautious about being in the same space as your spouse. Try to maintain distance with them unless it you are in public like in court or a mediation.
9. Past trauma
Past trauma can impact behavior. Trauma that is not worked through or discussed with a professional could harm a marriage.
Trauma can occur at any time of the day. Any event at any time can create trauma. This then leads to isolation, silence, withdrawing, and more. What causes trauma is important to discover. Although some couples stick through the work of healing trauma, it is not possible for everyone. Trauma can occur at age 10 or at age 60. Age is just a number when it comes to experiencing trauma.
With trauma, this can lead to ceasing communication. It can impact intimacy. Unhealed trauma can also impact attraction. Trauma does not end a marriage. It contributes to small impacts. These small impacts contribute to the most common reasons for divorce. How spouses handle and communicate their needs is important. If one or both partners do not want to work on the trauma, it may be time to file for divorce.
10. Intimacy Incompatibility
Intimacy allows connection. Having intimacy does not solely rely on hormones. It relies on a variety of factors. Trust, respect, love, attraction, and more are involved when intimacy is involved.
The most common reasons for divorce can surround compatibility. Confiding in your spouse on how you want to be intimate with them is important. Not every individual is compatible with the person they are with.
Some may seek out help from a sex therapist. Others may research how to spice up their intimacy by searching for online. Communication goes a long with with intimate compatibility.
Some spouses may become unresponsive. Some may not want to try new things. Others become unattracted to their spouse. Some may be having an affair. Many things can get in the way of becoming intimate with another person.
If you tried many things and still had no luck, intimacy could be the final straw and lead to divorce. Intimacy plays a big role in happiness in a marriage. It is not the only factor, but it can contribute a great part to a long lasting marriage.
Sometimes both partners recognize there is no intimacy compatibility. This is okay. It happens to more people than not. Walking away from something you know is not working after trying and discussing is not a bad route to take. It boils down to communication and a willingness to make things work or to call it quits.
Pause and Reflect
These 10 factors are the most common reasons for divorce. Divorce is hard. It is not easy. Arriving at a decision to file for divorce is not easy. When you divorce for the right reasons, it makes it a little easier for some.
Rest assured, no matter the reason, know why you are filing for divorce. Know and understand the reason. Divorce oftentimes involved more than one individual. Communication is key. Communicate to the best of your ability and do what is right for you.
With divorce comes judgment. Judgment comes from your family. It comes from your friends. It may even come from your spouse and yourself. Only you know the reason for filing for divorce. Be sure to give yourself a bit of kindness when you clarify the reason as to why you are ready to end the marriage.
Be your biggest supporter. Be confident in your decision. Be ready for what is to come.